The Difference Maker…. Confidence

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One huge difference I have seen in my years of coaching, recruiting and training is the women who get ahead versus the women who don’t are the ones who possess confidence. Some have it, and some don’t. And, sadly, the ones who possess confidence and still show kindness are even fewer.

You know where I am going here. It’s hard to be aggressive and not be categorized as abrasive. It’s hard to be a go-getter and not alienate others. It’s hard to be the A+ player and the Team Player. But, the lady who conquers it all can take on the world!

The common denominator of most of my private coaching clients is that at some point they are challenged with this very topic: confidence! Or shall I say, the lack of confidence. I work with females who are at the top of their game. I work with the best and brightest and yet they still question themselves – are they smart enough, experienced enough, sophisticated enough?

So, how do we help our most talented female leaders overcome these obstacles? If we take a second and recognize a few things that we can share with these women, it could be an easier ride for them along this crazy career journey.

1. Moments: Well, first of all whether you are in high school or a senior executive of a Fortune 500 organization, you need to realize these moments of fear are just that “moments.” Get over it and move on, girl! Find a song, a theme, a friend a source of inspiration to get you there fast!
2. Fuel: The person who can get into your head and rattle you the most is YOU! Are you going to be the fuel to the flame when are feeling a bit intimated? Or are you going to smack that self doubt in the face?!
3. Fake It: The second you get the opportunity to make the big pitch, to lead the conference or to step up for the promotion, fake it ’til you make it. It’s a common shared strategy for overcoming self doubt and I encourage you to give it all you’ve got to work through the fear and do your very best. It’s the only way you’ll get ahead.
4. Circle: In any company, organization, community or even family there are judgments, negative comments and not-so-nice feedback. If you listen to it long enough, you will believe it. You are who you surround yourself with. If you are constantly raising the bar and surrounding yourself with confident, positive people (men or women) you will start to be more confident yourself.

I challenge you to raise your hand, stretch your limits, take on the project you don’t think you are qualified for. Be confident, show confidence, walk with confidence and talk with confidence.

Oh and by the way, even if you aren’t feeling confident everyday… act like you are. And, once you mastered the confidence category, don’t forget ….. kindness! It will take you further than you can imagine.

Quote on Confidence

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Pay no attention to what the critics say.  A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic.

~Jean Sibelius

Coaching for Confidence

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Managers, it’s tough to coach your employees on confidence. It seems to be one of those things you’ve either got or you don’t.

Here is a nice resource with examples on how to gain some credibility in this area. In many cases, your employees represent YOU! If they don’t appear confident and credible… neither do you.

Perspective on Confidence

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In my years of coaching, recruiting and training women, the biggest difference I’ve seen between women who get ahead and those who don’t is that the ones who get ahead possess confidence.

Among that elite group women, those who show confidence and kindness rise to the top.

Woman of the Week – Megan Kilgore

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Megan KilgoreMegan Kilgore

My Current Job/Company: Assistant City Auditor, City of Columbus.

My Birthdate: June 20th

My Work: My primary responsibility is to issue and manage the City’s debt (portfolio of $3.2 billion). I also serve on the boards of the YMCA, the endowment board of the YWCA, the Columbus Historical Society, and recently founded a statewide organization, Ohio Women in Public Finance.

My Passion: The community. Coaching Special Olympics basketball (2010 State Championship!). Facilitating projects and connecting individuals with local resources. I am truly more excited about the future of this City, particularly over the next five years, than I have ever been.

My Family: Shelley K. Boone, MD (Partner); a lovable St. Bernard (Barley); two eccentric cats (Luxor and BK).

My Heroes: I am profoundly moved by the caliber of the spirited, resourceful, forward-thinking women of Columbus. Past and present. Attend a YWCA luncheon or read a page from Ruth Young White’s 1936 We Too Built Columbus . . . you’ll quickly realize you’re in the presence of greatness.

My Escape: A hard work out followed by a long, quiet dinner with my partner.

My Pet Peeve: Apathy.

My Indulgence: Travel – near and far!

My Roots: A small, hardworking town. Lots of time spent outside, lots of scraped knees, and a mother providing endless support of my imagination.

My Future: Public service.

My Love: I have lots of loves . . . numbers, the anticipation of a big trip, side-hurting laughter with friends, a board meeting buzzing with ideas, holidays with family, and early workday mornings in Columbus, when I can sit down with a cup of good coffee and the Wall Street Journal and watch the City come to life.

My Movie: The Sound of Music.

My Quote on Life: A twist on a Maya Angelou quote…people may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.

My Accessory: A Mary Poppins, I could stuff-a-llama in it, bag. I don’t know why I need all of the stuff that I carry, but I do. Cole Haan comes out with a new, similar-style each year. My dear friend Brook calls it our Director of Security as it could undoubtedly take a bullet for us.

My Advice to Young Women: Be a sponge for information and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Listen to your passions and find a blend of volunteer and (career) work that gets you excited to start each day. Take advantage of the mentors in your life, the individuals you admire most, and learn from them. Doors will open. Just don’t forget to keep a foot in the door so you can welcome future women as well.

How I Balance it All: I love what I do. That’s the easiest way.

Help Your Leaders Shine Outside the Office

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Today’s post is something you can share with your emerging and existing leaders to encourage them to take their community involvement a step further and engage in a non-profit board of directors. Come to think of it, as a leader yourself, you should consider this route as well. What are you waiting for?

For both experienced leaders and up and comers, it’s important to get involved in your local community. Non profit board involvement has numerous benefits. In fact, being part of a non-profit organization can be one of the most rewarding leadership experiences you can ever gain.

But many people shy away from this type of service. Here are the top three excuses I hear from leaders.


1. Who would want me? I’m not qualified.
Quit discounting your abilities, no matter how old or young you are! What a board of directors needs is your genuine interest and your time. They need you to be present and make a positive difference. And they need the many skills and talents you may not even realize you possess.

2. How would I ever fit it into my schedule? I’m too busy.
Yep, so is everybody else I know. Here’s one way to fit it in: think about where you already are in life and consider organizations that fall within your areas of interest. If you have kids, consider non-profits that involve children. There’s no better way to maximize your time and interests.

3. Where would I even start? What would I do?
Research. Find out the non-profits and organizations that interest you. Volunteer with them to make sure you like their mission and how they operate. Spend time getting to know their leaders. And, when you are ready, let their Executive Director know you are interested.

Above all else, make sure you find an organization whose mission aligns with your passion. You need to learn, live and love the message of the non-profit you are supporting. It needs to fit into your life perfectly. We are all way too busy these days to spend time furthering a mission or message that we don’t understand or have to force ourselves to get excited about! Whatever you are supporting needs to come from the heart.

If you love books, how about getting involved in your local library? On the flip side, if you’re not a pet lover, the humane society is probably not the right fit for you. Consider your Local Chamber of Commerce. Want to get more involved with your church in a meaningful way? Find a committee or board position.

We need more women leaders at the top of organizations, starting their own businesses and serving on both non-profit and for-profit boards. The only way we can increase our numbers in those arenas is to stop making excuses and just do it.

Take the plunge, serve as an example and others will follow!

On Service

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Service is the rent we pay for living.
-Marian Wright Edelman, President of the Children’s Defense Fund

Employee Volunteering and Business Success

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If you take a look at both existing and emerging leaders in organizations, you’ll find that most of them are active in the community. They serve on boards, they volunteer with non profits, and they initiate community action in a number of other ways.

Volunteer work offers benefits at every stage of one’s career. Business leaders gain exposure and experience by working with different types of teams and organizations. Emerging leaders can apply the things they’ve learned volunteering as they rise through the ranks. In fact, volunteer work benefits anyone at any level of the organization and the organization itself – from better engaged employees to retention to positive PR in the community.

Here’s one article in a terrific series on the Business Case for Employee Volunteering. I think you’ll find the entire series enlightening.

I’m interested in hearing about your employee volunteer programs, particularly how they help your leaders become better and stronger assets to your organization. Leave a comment below and share!

Perspective on….Community Engagement

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Hey, leaders: many of your highest performers want to be involved in the community.

Guess what? You need to encourage it AND reward it!  Some of the best organizations have this threaded into performance reviews.  How wonderful!

Woman of the Week – Dawn Tyler Lee

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Dawn Tyler Lee

Current Job
Assistant Vice President, The Ohio State University/Executive Director, Partners Achieving Community Transformation

Birthday
10.15.72

My Work
I am a government and community relations professional. Currently, I lead new community redevelopment initiative of the University called Partners Achieving Community Transformation (PACT). PACT is a partnership of The Ohio State University, the City of Columbus and the Columbus Metropolitan Housing Authority. The University has committed to invest up to $10 million on the near east side of Columbus and my role is to work with numerous stakeholders to develop a community master plan for the PACT geography. The plan will help inform how those resources will be invested and what additional resources will be needed for the successful implementation of the plan.

My Passion
Serving others and the leadership development of young women.

My Family
My husband, Robert, of 8 years and my doggie, Bert, who we adopted 8 years ago. We think is 9 or 10. He is the first pet I’ve ever had and I love him so much! (By the way, Robert is the first husband I’ve ever had and I love him too. ☺ )

My Heroes
So many…my mom, Joyce Craddock and my grandmothers, Anna Williams and Pearl Collins, who provided the best life they could for my parents. I also honor all of the people who have taken the time to help shape me into the person I am today. This includes mentors, peer mentors, family and friends and even women whom I’ve never even met, but helped blaze a trail to make my journey a bit easier. They are my heroes as well.

My Escape
Weekly happy hour with my “friend group,” monthly massages, and an annual trip to the beach. All of these things make me happy.

My Pet Peeve
So many…how to pick just one!
• Mornings
• The jingle from that damn “truvia” commercial
• Arrogance
• Inappropriate workplace attire

My Indulgence
Pear martinis with a sugar rim.

My Roots
Faith, family, community

My Future
Prayerfully, having a happy, healthy children sometime soon and being blessed with the opportunity to stay home with them for their early years.

My Love(s)
• Robert and Bert
• Fall
• Connecting people
• Cookies and cream ice cream, pasta, seafood
• Pear martinis with a sugar rim ☺

My Movie
So many…Shawshank Redemption, Selena, The Notebook

My Quote on Life
“To Whom Much is Given, Much is Required.” -Luke 12:48

My Accessory
Necklaces

My Advice to Young Women
• Breathe. You don’t have to have it all figured out.
• Meet new people.
• Move out of your comfort zone.
• Observe the leadership styles of other people, identify what you like about them and adapt it to your style.
• Listen to your gut, it’s usually right.
• Participate in at least one ongoing community service activity.

How I Balance it All…
• Weekly happy hour with my “friend group,” monthly massages, and an annual trip to the beach. ☺
• A great partner and circle of friends and mentors I can count on for encouragement, support, advice and good counsel
• Sleeping in on Saturday mornings, whenever possible
• I try not to :
o schedule anything on Sundays except church and family
o schedule after work events/activities more than 2 nights a week
o take work home